Before My Eyes
by Rhadeya
Summary: Kate makes some decisions about the men in her life
1. Time for Truth

**Title**: Before My Eyes  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Castle  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T (may go up!)  
><strong>CharactersPairings**: Kate/Rick  
><strong>Spoilers<strong>: Season 3 Finale/Season 4 Opener (everything else is relative and possibly AU)  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: I don't own anything to do with Castle, if I did then Rick and Kate would have gone to the Hamptons together at the end of S2 and never looked back :p

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><p>I didn't even see the glint of sunlight on metal like <em>he<em> did. I didn't hear the gunshot like _him_, but I do vaguely remember _him_ calling my name, just before everything went black. I have flashbacks to the day I got shot, and sometimes I think I hear _him_ say he loves me, but I can't be sure. I can't recall feeling any pain, but I can vividly remember _his_ arms around me, and the look on _his_ face, which says he's afraid to lose me. It's strangely comforting and it kept me going through the difficult days after I came out of my coma. While I was lying there, staring at the ceiling, I had a lot of time to think and I realised Rick was right about at least one thing we had discussed recently; I didn't love Josh.

.

I told Josh that we were breaking up, the very next time he came to see me. He looked sad, but not overly surprised, by my announcement, as if he knew my life had changed completely on that fateful day. After all, had it been him there with me at the funeral? Had it been him holding me, as I lay dying, begging me not to leave? Had it been him how had saved my life, when one of my oldest friends died protecting me? Had it been him holding me as I slowly froze to death, locked in a cold storage unit while looking for a dirty bomb?

No. Josh hadn't been there, with me, during any of those life changing moments.

_He_ had been there, just as _he_ had been an integral part of my life now for what seemed like forever.

.

No, I didn't love Josh, but I did love _him_. I suppose, I had never stopped loving him, it just took something as extreme as getting shot to realise that fact. So, now all I have to do is tell him I love him and everything will be all cherubs and roses, right? Only, how do I tell him? How do I explain that, after weeks of not talking, I want him to be in my life as a more permanent fixture?

.

Maybe I should start small, perhaps by giving him the call I told him to wait for?

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><p><em>More to follow soon :) please review if you want me to keep going :)<em>


	2. Coffee

**Title**: Before My Eyes  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Castle  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T (may go up!)  
><strong>CharactersPairings**: Kate/Rick  
><strong>Spoilers<strong>: Season 3 Finale/Season 4 Opener (everything else is relative and possibly AU)  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: I don't own anything to do with Castle, if I did then Rick and Kate would have gone to the Hamptons together at the end of S2 and never looked back :p  
><strong>Author's Notes<strong>: Thank you for the wonderful reviews This is going to be told entirely from Kate's perspective, the reason for this will become apparent at the end *wicked grin*

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><p>I called him, and all my fears and tension seemed to evaporate the moment he picked up the phone and said his name, in the jaunty way he does. My heart swelled with pleasure as I heard him, and the words Roy had said to me that fateful night echoed in my head, about me never having been so happy until Castle arrived. He was right, it just took me getting shot to realise how right he was. We chatted for a while, about nothing in particular, and just as the call was about to end, I asked if he'd like to meet me for coffee the following day. It was just as well that video phones weren't a big thing yet, cos I'm sure I'd never hear the end of it if he could see the smile on my face at the moment he agreed. I ended the call and slumped back on the couch, amazed at how much energy it had taken to make that call. Pulling a blanket up around me, to ward off any chills, I snuggled down on the couch and closed my eyes, letting my body get the rest it desperately craved, as I dreamt of the past, present and my hopes for the future.<p>

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The day dawned bright and clear, with a hint of warmth sneaking in, and I smiled at the irony; I was happy, and the weather was beautiful. Butterflies performed intricate gymnastics routines in my stomach as I drove towards the coffee shop where I said I'd meet him. A thousand questions rolled around inside my mind, but the one which kept coming up were the worst.

_What if he hadn't said he loved me?_

_What if he had loved me, but had changed his mind?_

_What if I was too much 'damaged goods' now for him to love?_

_What if he had found someone else while he waited for my call?_

.

I sat in the car and stared at the coffee shop opposite, waiting for him to arrive so I didn't have to experience the fear of being stood up in public. I hadn't realised until this moment just how fragile I had become since the shooting, as if I would break the moment anyone did something to hurt me. Would he come today, or would he have a change of heart and not bother to show up? I chided myself for such thought, trusting that I knew him well enough to know he would never stand me up like that. And, like an angel appearing from Heaven's light, he walked around the corner and appeared out of the glare of the sun, smiling but also looking a little nervous. It helped that he obviously seemed as nervous as I did, and it helped motivate me to get out of the car and cross the road that separated us. He'd taken a seat at a window table by the time I reached the shop, and I waved at him as he spotted me, a smile lighting up his face and making him look years younger.

_Had he been worried I might not show up?_

The question caught me by surprise and caused me to pause at the door, wondering if he might not have the same sort of questions going around in his head right about now. Shaking off the 'what-ifs' I pulled open the door of the coffee shop and stepped inside, heading to the small table where he sat, ready to put my cards on the table and admit how I felt about him.

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><p><em>Please review :))<em>


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